Freckles

Something inside of me hurts with sadness at the evil nature of comparison. Maybe it’s because, as a twin, I am hardwired to always be in a state of comparison. Maybe it’s because I am a female. Maybe it’s because I see the damage and the hurt that comes to the compared victims. Or maybe, just maybe, I can feel the hardness in my soul when I feel I am comparing myself with others and falling short.

As I am in a state that is less than envious: a graduate with no job--not one cent to my name--living with my parents who are living with their parents, I am finding myself becoming the perpetrator of comparison. I cannot help but feel a deep sadness when I begin this downward cycle of thinking lesser of my state in life.

So, I have been consciously working on looking at my state as an opportunity for blessings and good things to come, rather than a state that I never hoped to be living.

Comparison can be as simple as a look of discouragment when leaving the mirror to face the rest of the world or rehearsed thoughts internalized deep within our souls:

“My life isn’t exciting enough to post online.”

“I bet XXX wouldn’t think, say, or do these things.”

“I’m unhappy because I’m not good enough.”

“I’m not XXX, and I never will be XXX.”

 “I can’t handle my own issues, how am I capable to help others?”

Something I learned a long time ago about comparison: Never has putting another down ever made me happy. Never. 

One small instance:

When I was seven years old...

I met this girl named Libby. Libby was so fun and cute and had the most darling freckles. I thought, if only I could have freckles, I would be fun and cute. I prayed for freckles. With little success, I got so desperate that I finally went into my mother’s makeup bag and grabbed her eyeliner and drew little dots all over my face. 

Of course, I was disappointed with the final outcome; but I learned something from this silly, childish experience. I don’t need freckles to be beautiful.  I love my face. And rather than stating that people without freckles are beautiful, I believe I am beautiful and I make sure to compliment those who do have freckles—because more often than not, they dislike their freckles. Oh that darn curse of the “grass is greener syndrome.”

>>>So rather than dwelling on my lack of freckles or any other arbitrary worry, I always feel better when I recite positive affirmations in replace of the negative, belittling thoughts that are so natural and quick to attack:

I love my body. I love my thin, blonde hair. I love my small, flat chest. 

We are human. Whether we vocalize our insecurities or not, we all have them. Let’s love ourselves and others enough to build each other up and take away the criticism. 

Natasha says it best.

To wrap up, my mother gives the mother analogy in regard to this idea of self-worth. When we are little and fall down or get hurt, we have a mother, a father, or a teacher to pick us up and brush us off. We have a parent figure to help us when we are bullied at school, when we don’t do well on a test, or when we don’t make office. We have someone to tell us we are great and wonderful. However, when we age, we often lose that strong, positive voice. We grow up. We move out. We start our own careers, families, hobbies, etc. 

I have yet to meet an adult not susceptible to pain, insecurity, and weakness. So instead of losing that positive voice, we need to become that voice. We need to build ourselves up; because as we are in this debate over beauty and success, there are many voices tearing us down. We need that motherly instinct inside ourselves to say, “Shh, I’m alright. I’m beautiful. I am loved. I have a family that cares for me. I have the drive to do well in life.” Or whatever it may be that we are struggling with.

Let’s not lose site of our inner child. 

Oprah's words of wisdom:

Reverend Jackson's words have helped me over many a hurdle, even when less than my best was evident. To this day, excellence is my intention. To be excellent in giving. In graciousness. In effort. In struggle and in strife. For me being excellent means always doing my personal best. In Don Miguel Ruiz's book "The Four Agreements," the final agreement is just that: Always do your best. I know for sure that this is the most fulfilling path to personal freedom. Your best varies from day to day, Ruiz says, depending on how you're feeling. No matter. Give your best in every circumstance so that you have no reason to judge yourself and create guilt and shame. Live so that at the end of each day, you can say, "I did my very best." That's what it means to excel at the great game of life. 

Note to self: Next time I attempt to measure my successes with another's, take a step back, acknowledge my blessings and gifts and make sure to radiate positivity. Everyone needs an encouraging word once in awhile, whether we realize it or not. I choose to live with grace and dignity.