finding clarity in the midst of finals

With finals on the horizon, including many group projects and client presentations, stress is in the air.

As a way to cope, I tried to shake things up a bit by studying conference talks in the morning and attending to the Temple in the afternoon.

The baptistry was fairly empty tonight, which is quite a rare occasion for anyone familiar with the Provo Temple. I sat down on the last bench next to a teenage girl, who appeared to be reclusive to those around her. I did not mind this because my heart was set on bigger matters. I had felt heavy all day trying to sort through reoccurring nightmares, academic coursework, NY preparation, etc. I came to the Temple hoping to ease my heart.

As a way to cope, I brought with me A Prophet's Voice, Messages From Thomas S. Monson--a compilation of all of President Monson's talks as prophet--in preparation for this weekend.  I highly recommend this book. It has so many wonderful messages.

As we progressed to the confirmation room, I noticed the girl behind me was making interesting hand gestures. I thought maybe she was overly expressive or trying to be reverent. However, as the night progressed it became obvious--she was deaf. She was signing with a man who appeared to be her father. It was one of the most amazing things I have seen. What may appear to be a simple process for me, was much more difficult for her. Yet, her "caretaker" selflessly loved her and helped her understand everything that was going on around her by signing every step of the way.

After watching them for an hour, I felt humbled. After having read a talk, in which President Monson encouraged all the women to study, pray and serve more fervently, I figured out my problem-- I am thinking too much about myself. As I watched this man and teenage girl interact, I felt honored to be in their presence.

Sometimes in the midst of finals, or time-pressing situations, we forget what truly matters. We forget how to serve. We forget how to properly prioritize. We forget to stop, take a moment, and breathe. We are capable of far more than we think we are.

As President Monson said, "My dear sisters (and brethren), do not pray for tasks equal to your abilities, but pray for abilities equal to your tasks. Then the performance of your task will be no miracle, but you will be the miracle."

I wish so badly that I knew sign language in that moment. I would have told her,"Thank you for being an example to us all, for not allowing a physical disability get in the way of what truly matters."


 Note to self: next time I am feeling heavy, love myself enough to forget myself once in awhile.

on the horizon: NYC skyline

I bought my plane ticket yesterday. I'll be living here in less than two months. I couldn't be more excited. Working in a metropolis like New York City, all by myself--I'm ready. 

beautiful people

This is a beautiful, raw piece of art. Short on time, I promised myself I would only watch a minute or two...seven minutes later I am admiring the design, message and overall emotional appeal of this video.

It is empowering.

If you have time (which you always do if you make it a priority), watch this! It's beautiful.

(mom you will especially love this)

my favorite things

I'm feeling kind of down today so I am going to make a list of things that make me happy:

1. A good, sincere prayer.

2. A cloudy sky.

3. babies. babies. babies. Nick has two darling nieces that we see once in a full moon. However, one weekend we had the opportunity to babysit the little angels while their parents went out for a date night. Although baby Abby screamed for most of the night (because we forgot that she needed a binky, that darn binky), I loved being around such cute little minds and bodies attempting to soak everything up. I especially love watching Nick explain to Kessa, the older of the two, how to build things out of legos. She will be one smart cookie.

4. Zumba. I am taking a Zumba class this semester and no matter what mood I come to class with, I always come out happier. yeah for dancing. yeah for exercise.

5. Learning. Although I am becoming more lax about my schoolwork, I am learning out of curiosity. I am reading to read and not just to fulfill an assignment.

6. Grammar rules. I know this may sound silly, but I assure you it's not. In my MComm 320 class we sit down for three hours a week and go over the basic rules of grammar and writing. I love every second of this class. It feels so good to learn and solidify ways to become a better writer.

7. Watching the news. I don't know if this means I am getting older, more educated or simply boring but it feels good to be educated on current events. Maybe I am in the right major....?

8. The Bachelor. Rachel, Cars, Nick and I dedicate Tuesday nights for dinner and a trashy drama:) But for reals, we alternate each week making dinner for the other couple while willingly (Cars started out as a doubter, but he soon became a believer after one episode) celebrating this reality TV show. It feels good for once to watch drama unfold and not be apart of it:) I know the logic of the show is faulty and the overall plot may be disturbing, but it's hysterical. To be honest I mostly enjoy the company, but all the same, Tuesday is a night I refuse to miss.

9. Skiing. Nick was kind enough to buy me skis--spoiled I am. (But grateful I also am!) So we have made it a goal to go once a week. Although he is much better than I am; I'm learning. I am pleased to inform you (mom) that I went from "pizza" to "french-fries" in one outing. I am still learning perfect carving form; however, I can almost keep up with this boy.

10. This boy:

His name is Nicholas Wright Homer.

Brandon Flowers

The Killers-Be Still

I got a phone call early Friday morning. It was Caleb Ward. He called to invite me to The Killers' concert with him and his siblings that night. We are concert buddies. It was just a few months ago where we were singing and dancing with Kelly Clarkson as loud and long as our bodies would permit. 

I am one lucky girl. 

The concert was unreal. Who knew that a rock concert could be a spiritual experience. Among the craziness of the drummer, the uncontrollable fans and the beer in the air, I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe hoping to release as much stress and pain that I tend to foster in my soul. Rather than worry about the countless other people and things demanding my time, I wanted to be there with my body. Listening to Brandon's genuine emotion and heartfelt lyrics, I felt alive. 

Things I know:

I love Brandon Flowers, more than ever! He is truly a powerhouse in every sense of the word.

Dancing cures any sadness.

This song speaks to me soul right now. 

"Don't break character, you've got a lot of heart....BE STILL."

love to me

I know this may be cheesy. My credentials are definitely not equipped to handle such a topic as this but I want to tell you, or myself, just what I have learned over the years regarding love.

I am ashamed to admit that in the past I have been a little skeptical of this concept known as dating. As a young girl I was trained to be a "heartbreaker" and the kind of girl that "let boys work for her heart." I must admit, that mindset is great in high school, but in college it's a no go. It is a terrible, no good, very bad way to approach love, dating and any kind of courtship for that matter.

Of course, the chase is essential. It's good to "play hard to get" a little, but when there is a wonderful boy chasing your heart, let him in. Let him love you. My concept of love has definitely evolved over the years. After more heartbreaks than I choose to share, lots of patient boyfriends and nights of endless praying my heart has been changed and I am becoming who my Heavenly Father wants me to be.

One of my dear friends, who will remain anonymous at this time, once told me, "Chelsea, you will be the most amazing wife, but you are a terrible girlfriend."

After the defensive comments and insincere apologies from him, I really decided to dig deeper into that comment. What made him say that? I am a descent person. I treat people well. I try to do what is right but there is one thing I do lack and that is confidence in my decisions. I am only telling you my weaknesses because there may be a slight chance someone else can benefit, learn, and possibly prevent making some of the silly mistakes I have made.

Here is a list I have compiled illustrating some of the most important lessons I have learned during my college years:

1. Don't let fear and insecurities sabotage your relationship. Whether you are trying to rekindle something that once was or trying to start something new with someone, fear destroys all sense of confidence. Don't be scared to love. Don't be scared to be loved. Love involves risk, everyone knows that. If it doesn't work out the first, second, eighth time-don't let fear hinder you from taking a step in the dark and trying again with someone else.

2. Listen to your heart. This may sound cliche, it is not. Stop thinking and over-analyzing everything and just live. My wise mother always tells me when I leave her presence, "Make wise decisions (pointing to her heart). Listen to that little voice inside yourself." Amidst the shambles of our roommates' opinions, family members' preferences and random pieces of advice from strangers, don't forget the most important voice of all, your own.

3. Actions speak (much) louder than words. When you are in a relationship you feel is healthy and one that you want to cultivate, make sure to show that love. Remember, when school intensifies, work becomes more demanding and time is limited (it always does)--it is the relationships we cultivate that matter most. School, work, service opportunities and church callings will always be demanding time and attention; however, relationships will not always last if they are not nurtured. Don't let the silly things affect the most important things--->relationships with others.

4. Learn to laugh. My dad sat me down in the midst of one of my heartbreaks. He looked at me and said "Chels, life is hard enough, find someone who can make you laugh." That is perhaps one of the most influential pieces of advice I have received. Find someone who can make you laugh and will laugh with you.

5. Become your best self. You cannot expect to have someone offer something to the relationship that you yourself cannot/will not give. A relationship must be interdependent to be healthy. Of course there are circumstances where one party gives more than the other, but selfless is the name of the game. This follows the same principle of becoming your very best self. I do not think it is fair to search for specific qualities in a significant other without trying to possess those as well.

6. Keep it simple. No games. Telepathy is not a quality many possess, so quit looking for it. Communication is key. It will start and save a relationship.

7. Love yourself. Anyone worth keeping around will love you for who you are. One of my favorite movies is Runaway Bride. I love it. My favorite part of the movie is her self-discovery. As you note, with each suitor, her preferences for eggs changed. Her preferences changed to match the person she was dating. However, it wasn't until after she discovered herself and knew which type of eggs she preferred that she was ready and comfortable to be in a relationship with a man she loved--Ike. How do you like your eggs? In essence, do you know yourself and the bigger question, do you love and accept yourself? I have asked myself plenty of times, how can I expect someone else to love me if I can't love myself?

8. Hearts can change, people can change. Heartbreak is part of dating. As my boss at work says, "It never works until it works." Simple, but true. Pain is part of dating. That is the risk of dating. Marriage and love are definitely worth that risk, but it may be difficult to remember in the midst of trial. As in the movie, A Cinderella Story, "Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game." Tis true.

9.Being single is ok. I know, especially in Provo, that being single can often have negative connotations or feelings of inferiority. Let me tell you something, nothing could be further from the truth. Marriage is wonderful and the best aspiration we can have. However, naturally, it does not happen to everyone between their freshman and sophomore year in college. Forget the timeline (seriously!) and learn to live on Heavenly Father's timeline. It is amazing what we can become when we do.

10. God is real. Perhaps the most important thing I have learned these past few years is the reality of Heavenly Father in my life. With each heartbreak and self-discovery I have rediscovered the power of the Atonement. Any pain, insecurity and loss can be comforted and healed through Christ's atoning sacrifice. Both Christ and Heavenly Father care about us personally. They care about our future. They know our worries and pains. There is a plan. Heavenly Father knows what we need and when we need it. Trust Him.

I am now 21, enduring my senior year in college. I am single and I am happy. This was definitely not my timeline, but it is so much better than anything I could have anticipated.

Love to me makes no sense. It is irrational, beautiful and inspiring. Love is not forced. Love is a verb and therefore requires action to grow. It is hard work. Love knows no bounds, yet if opted, it can be lost. I still believe in fairytales and finding my prince charming. I have my silly, childhood fantasies of what I esteem marriage to be, and I hope they never get tainted or destroyed with trials and skepticism. 

Love to me is this song.

aging with purpose.

I am a senior, what?

I think this often as I come into contact with new people on a daily basis. This usually comes as a shock to everyone, including myself, that I am a senior at THE Brigham Young University.

 Do you know what that means!?!

I am old. yes. I am still unmarried. yes. I still do not cook gourmet meals. yes. but it has been-

THREE YEARS of meeting absolutely incredible, inspiring people.
THREE YEARS of challenging myself academically.
...of becoming an adult.
of self discovery.
of church callings.
of traveling.
of heartbreaks.
of running...and running...and running.
Three years of absolute bliss...well except for the times that weren't and then it turned out to be a time of much needed growth.

I feel very blessed to be attending BYU. Despite the challenging times, BYU has been an absolute dream. I am grateful for all those (my parents and grandparents) who have helped contribute to my education.

As a senior approaching my last year as an undergrad, my mindset has been quite different than it has been in previous semesters. I have a seed of desire burning within my chest, waiting and willing to do anything it takes to be successful in public relations.

This in part is due to higher level classes. My classes are picking up the pace and I am beginning to work with clients this semester. You know what that means, I AM APPLYING WHAT I AM LEARNING!

I feel experience is the best way to learn-just throw yourself in without the fear of getting wet.

I love my classes. I love my teachers. I love what I am learning. I love my whole HOUSE (CLAP). Yeah (stomp), yeah (stomp), yeah (stomp, stomp)...ok you get my point!

I feel, for the first time in my college career, I know why I chose my major.

When I tell people what I am studying, it is often accompanied with a crusty (scoul of confusion), followed by the question, "What is that?"

Well I will tell you, IT IS THE BEST MAJOR EVER!

This seed of passion was planted during freshman year in a general English class. We were assigned to work with Catholic Community Services (CCS), an organization working solely to help incoming refugees get on their feet and become self-reliant. We as students were assigned to blog about Sebastio Salgado's photography (photography solely focused on refugess in various countries) as well as our experiences with the refugees we met at CCS.

This class changed my life.

I found myself blogging on behalf of many individuals who didn't have a voice -- I was their voice. I realized then, in that semester, the power of writing and social media. What could be better than being an advocate for a company and message you whole-heartedly support? I do not know.

However, I would be a liar trying to sugar-coat this major if I didn't tell you public relations does generate disappointment and discouragement. It is a fierce major. By fierce I mean super competitive, cut-throat, every man/woman for him/herself type of major. Everything is public and up for criticism. Nothing is secret or private. Through this, I am learning to toughen up and learn from my mistakes.

Yesterday, was one of those days (a terrible, no good, very bad day). It was an absolute war zone. It was one of those days that I wonder, why did I pick such a major to dedicate my time and emotional energy to?

To combat this war zone, I did as any other girl on campus naturally does, I called my mom. Best decision-it never fails. She is wise. Sometimes it is just good to hear the sweet, positive words of affirmation from someone who loves you. Mother or no mother, it is good to hear that I am doing alright.

My mother has a way of putting things into perspective. Look how far I have come...just a year ago, I was wandering around trying to decide which major to study. Now I am in a nationally-ranked program, at a nationally-ranked university. I am one lucky girl. It is moments like yesterday that motivate me to be better. Mistakes will come and go but ultimately it is our response to those mistakes that matter.

After all...

Courage does not roar. 
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." -Mary Ann Radmacher

School is fun. Learning is rejuvenating. however, without passion, it is simply not worth it. As my mother told me, you will always go farther in life doing the things you love (heart>logic). Thanks mom.