I cannot believe I have been home for more than a month. Time seems to be escaping my grasp. Though I try to embrace each day with passion and love, in all honestly it has been quite difficult. I have struggled readjusting back into my home life. Coming from a dream life encompassing traveling, exotic foods, independence, and a social life 24 hours of every day back to the reality of working full-time, eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, as well as attempting to jump back into the dating pool (daunting) has left me with the common feelings of inadequacy and exhaustion.
Silly I know.
After returning home from a trip of a life-time (LiTeRaLly) how could I feel anything less than bliss?
I have found many excuses along the way such as:
Jet Lag (A good excuse for everything).
The Equal and Opposite Effect (so purely described in Brother Bott's book "Preparation Precedes Power").
Drastic lifestyle change in diet, exercise, sleep pattern, daily routine, relationships...the list goes on.
Boys ( A category of their own).
However, as fitting and justified as these excuses may sound, none of them accurately cure or explain this deep Jerusalem post-depression I have been feeling.
It boils down to a simple term, happiness.
I have realized lately how much I base my happiness on other people. Silly as it may sound, it is true. It could be something as simple as receiving a phone call from a beloved friend to receiving acceptance from a coworker. I am very much a people oriented person (not to mention people pleaser). This can be a good quality, though at other times (such as these past few weeks) it can be a trial.
Slowly, I have realized how destructive this dependency upon others can be. Instead of dwelling on the "what ifs" and the "should've, could'ves" in life, it is more important to fully and whole-heartedly appreciate the present moments. I want to wake up each morning and truly live each day to the best of my ability. I want to embrace the 5:45AM alarm reminding me to start my day by working out at the gym. I want to find the humor in my inability to kill the large Tarantula climbing all over my clothes I allowed to pile up over the past few days on my bedroom floor. I want to gain a better relationship with my growing sisters (whom every morning seem to grow a few inches taller and a few ages wiser). I want to gain more patience for my dog/horse who decides to make a chew toy out of my favorite pair of white Vans. I sincerely want to live in the moment.
So in desperate hope to gain as much experience from of this precious time I have with my family I resorted to making a few personal goals of my own.
Namely to forget myself, think of others, and find PASSION!
After all, it is in these moments in my life when I learn the most about myself. I learn what I like. Who I want to be. My current passions. My style (would I really layer denim on denim-you betcha). Most effective coping method. My favorite song. The list goes on...
The interesting part about life is that we are continually learning about ourselves. Through different relationships, trials (grieving periods), educational experiences, and choices we are constantly be shaped and transformed into something new, for better or worse we decide but we are always learning about ourselves.
Lately I have gained a few new passions of which I am particularly fond of.
One. Books on tape.
Beautiful way not only to be enlightened but also to pass the time away doing production work in the warehouse.
Two. My Fireplace.
It is the first place I go when I wake up and usually the last place I remember laying myself down before I end up crawling in bed.
Three. ROLLERBLADING.
Rach, Eliza. Koda and I went on Legacy trail yesterday. Not only is it the best gluteus workout EVER but it is a great time spent bonding.
Moral of the story:
"Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music." Angela Monet
Find passion and just DANCE!
