I got a phone call early Friday morning. It was Caleb Ward. He called to invite me to The Killers' concert with him and his siblings that night. We are concert buddies. It was just a few months ago where we were singing and dancing with Kelly Clarkson as loud and long as our bodies would permit. I am one lucky girl. The concert was unreal. Who knew that a rock concert could be a spiritual experience. Among the craziness of the drummer, the uncontrollable fans and the beer in the air, I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe hoping to release as much stress and pain that I tend to foster in my soul. Rather than worry about the countless other people and things demanding my time, I wanted to be there with my body. Listening to Brandon's genuine emotion and heartfelt lyrics, I felt alive. Things I know: I love Brandon Flowers, more than ever! He is truly a powerhouse in every sense of the word. Dancing cures any sadness. This song speaks to me soul right now.
"Don't break character, you've got a lot of heart....BE STILL."
I know this may be cheesy. My credentials are definitely not equipped to handle such a topic as this but I want to tell you, or myself, just what I have learned over the years regarding love.
I am ashamed to admit that in the past I have been a little skeptical of this concept known as dating. As a young girl I was trained to be a "heartbreaker" and the kind of girl that "let boys work for her heart." I must admit, that mindset is great in high school, but in college it's a no go. It is a terrible, no good, very bad way to approach love, dating and any kind of courtship for that matter.
Of course, the chase is essential. It's good to "play hard to get" a little, but when there is a wonderful boy chasing your heart, let him in. Let him love you. My concept of love has definitely evolved over the years. After more heartbreaks than I choose to share, lots of patient boyfriends and nights of endless praying my heart has been changed and I am becoming who my Heavenly Father wants me to be.
One of my dear friends, who will remain anonymous at this time, once told me, "Chelsea, you will be the most amazing wife, but you are a terrible girlfriend."
After the defensive comments and insincere apologies from him, I really decided to dig deeper into that comment. What made him say that? I am a descent person. I treat people well. I try to do what is right but there is one thing I do lack and that is confidence in my decisions. I am only telling you my weaknesses because there may be a slight chance someone else can benefit, learn, and possibly prevent making some of the silly mistakes I have made.
Here is a list I have compiled illustrating some of the most important lessons I have learned during my college years:
1. Don't let fear and insecurities sabotage your relationship. Whether you are trying to rekindle something that once was or trying to start something new with someone, fear destroys all sense of confidence. Don't be scared to love. Don't be scared to be loved. Love involves risk, everyone knows that. If it doesn't work out the first, second, eighth time-don't let fear hinder you from taking a step in the dark and trying again with someone else.
2. Listen to your heart. This may sound cliche, it is not. Stop thinking and over-analyzing everything and just live. My wise mother always tells me when I leave her presence, "Make wise decisions (pointing to her heart). Listen to that little voice inside yourself." Amidst the shambles of our roommates' opinions, family members' preferences and random pieces of advice from strangers, don't forget the most important voice of all, your own.
3. Actions speak (much) louder than words. When you are in a relationship you feel is healthy and one that you want to cultivate, make sure to show that love. Remember, when school intensifies, work becomes more demanding and time is limited (it always does)--it is the relationships we cultivate that matter most. School, work, service opportunities and church callings will always be demanding time and attention; however, relationships will not always last if they are not nurtured. Don't let the silly things affect the most important things--->relationships with others.
4. Learn to laugh. My dad sat me down in the midst of one of my heartbreaks. He looked at me and said "Chels, life is hard enough, find someone who can make you laugh." That is perhaps one of the most influential pieces of advice I have received. Find someone who can make you laugh and will laugh with you.
5. Become your best self. You cannot expect to have someone offer something to the relationship that you yourself cannot/will not give. A relationship must be interdependent to be healthy. Of course there are circumstances where one party gives more than the other, but selfless is the name of the game. This follows the same principle of becoming your very best self. I do not think it is fair to search for specific qualities in a significant other without trying to possess those as well.
6. Keep it simple. No games. Telepathy is not a quality many possess, so quit looking for it. Communication is key. It will start and save a relationship.
7. Love yourself. Anyone worth keeping around will love you for who you are. One of my favorite movies is Runaway Bride. I love it. My favorite part of the movie is her self-discovery. As you note, with each suitor, her preferences for eggs changed. Her preferences changed to match the person she was dating. However, it wasn't until after she discovered herself and knew which type of eggs she preferred that she was ready and comfortable to be in a relationship with a man she loved--Ike. How do you like your eggs? In essence, do you know yourself and the bigger question, do you love and accept yourself? I have asked myself plenty of times, how can I expect someone else to love me if I can't love myself?
8. Hearts can change, people can change. Heartbreak is part of dating. As my boss at work says, "It never works until it works." Simple, but true. Pain is part of dating. That is the risk of dating. Marriage and love are definitely worth that risk, but it may be difficult to remember in the midst of trial. As in the movie, A Cinderella Story, "Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game." Tis true.
9.Being single is ok. I know, especially in Provo, that being single can often have negative connotations or feelings of inferiority. Let me tell you something, nothing could be further from the truth. Marriage is wonderful and the best aspiration we can have. However, naturally, it does not happen to everyone between their freshman and sophomore year in college. Forget the timeline (seriously!) and learn to live on Heavenly Father's timeline. It is amazing what we can become when we do.
10. God is real. Perhaps the most important thing I have learned these past few years is the reality of Heavenly Father in my life. With each heartbreak and self-discovery I have rediscovered the power of the Atonement. Any pain, insecurity and loss can be comforted and healed through Christ's atoning sacrifice. Both Christ and Heavenly Father care about us personally. They care about our future. They know our worries and pains. There is a plan. Heavenly Father knows what we need and when we need it. Trust Him.
I am now 21, enduring my senior year in college. I am single and I am happy. This was definitely not my timeline, but it is so much better than anything I could have anticipated. Love to me makes no sense. It is irrational, beautiful and inspiring. Love is not forced. Love is a verb and therefore requires action to grow. It is hard work. Love knows no bounds, yet if opted, it can be lost. I still believe in fairytales and finding my prince charming. I have my silly, childhood fantasies of what I esteem marriage to be, and I hope they never get tainted or destroyed with trials and skepticism.
I think this often as I come into contact with new people on a daily basis. This usually comes as a shock to everyone, including myself, that I am a senior at THE Brigham Young University.
Do you know what that means!?!
I am old. yes. I am still unmarried. yes. I still do not cook gourmet meals. yes. but it has been-
THREE YEARS of meeting absolutely incredible, inspiring people.
THREE YEARS of challenging myself academically.
...of becoming an adult.
of self discovery.
of church callings.
of traveling.
of heartbreaks.
of running...and running...and running.
Three years of absolute bliss...well except for the times that weren't and then it turned out to be a time of much needed growth.
I feel very blessed to be attending BYU. Despite the challenging times, BYU has been an absolute dream. I am grateful for all those (my parents and grandparents) who have helped contribute to my education.
As a senior approaching my last year as an undergrad, my mindset has been quite different than it has been in previous semesters. I have a seed of desire burning within my chest, waiting and willing to do anything it takes to be successful in public relations.
This in part is due to higher level classes. My classes are picking up the pace and I am beginning to work with clients this semester. You know what that means, I AM APPLYING WHAT I AM LEARNING!
I feel experience is the best way to learn-just throw yourself in without the fear of getting wet.
I love my classes. I love my teachers. I love what I am learning. I love my whole HOUSE (CLAP). Yeah (stomp), yeah (stomp), yeah (stomp, stomp)...ok you get my point!
I feel, for the first time in my college career, I know why I chose my major.
When I tell people what I am studying, it is often accompanied with a crusty (scoul of confusion), followed by the question, "What is that?"
Well I will tell you, IT IS THE BEST MAJOR EVER!
This seed of passion was planted during freshman year in a general English class. We were assigned to work with Catholic Community Services (CCS), an organization working solely to help incoming refugees get on their feet and become self-reliant. We as students were assigned to blog about Sebastio Salgado's photography (photography solely focused on refugess in various countries) as well as our experiences with the refugees we met at CCS.
This class changed my life.
I found myself blogging on behalf of many individuals who didn't have a voice -- I was their voice. I realized then, in that semester, the power of writing and social media. What could be better than being an advocate for a company and message you whole-heartedly support? I do not know.
However, I would be a liar trying to sugar-coat this major if I didn't tell you public relations does generate disappointment and discouragement. It is a fierce major. By fierce I mean super competitive, cut-throat, every man/woman for him/herself type of major. Everything is public and up for criticism. Nothing is secret or private. Through this, I am learning to toughen up and learn from my mistakes.
Yesterday, was one of those days (a terrible, no good, very bad day). It was an absolute war zone. It was one of those days that I wonder, why did I pick such a major to dedicate my time and emotional energy to?
To combat this war zone, I did as any other girl on campus naturally does, I called my mom. Best decision-it never fails. She is wise. Sometimes it is just good to hear the sweet, positive words of affirmation from someone who loves you. Mother or no mother, it is good to hear that I am doing alright.
My mother has a way of putting things into perspective. Look how far I have come...just a year ago, I was wandering around trying to decide which major to study. Now I am in a nationally-ranked program, at a nationally-ranked university. I am one lucky girl. It is moments like yesterday that motivate me to be better. Mistakes will come and go but ultimately it is our response to those mistakes that matter.
After all...
Courage does not roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." -Mary Ann Radmacher
School is fun. Learning is rejuvenating. however, without passion, it is simply not worth it. As my mother told me, you will always go farther in life doing the things you love (heart>logic). Thanks mom.
Although I am a senior heading into the Communications major at BYU this year, I have kept a low-profile when it comes to social media. I do much more observing than contributing. However, I feel I need to embrace my communication roots a little and become more involved again.
My sisters and I have vacationed home away from home
this week to Arizona where my Dad is currently abiding temporarily for work.
Due to the long car trips, low-maintenance agenda, and time set aside for
relaxing -- my mind has been racing. My summer work schedule has been one speed: fast.
Therefore, the little things such as good exercise, sleep and time to myself
were the first to slip through the cracks. This past week has been a much
needed break for many of my family members, myself included.
First conclusion: Thinking feels good; meditation is beautiful
and therapeutic. It is essential.
I came across this quote on Pinterest, “women’s pornography”
as my friend denotes it. However, I find many treasures on this beloved website
like fun hair styles to try when I am bored or stunning wedding dresses I can
refer to friends (my day will be someday… but until then, these dress ideas
must not go to waste).
It is golden and summarizes the thoughts that have been
consuming my mind:
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
-Elizabeth Kubler
Ros
Beautiful people do not just happen. I love this. I look at my family, they have always been stunning and I
definitely know why. When one of us is weakened, the others will pull their
weight to carry them along this journey of life. Whether it is a simple text
message, a phone call or an entertaining distraction-my family is amazing and I know why it
is the central unit of the gospel.
When everything else becomes inconsistent in my life, it is
family that remains constant. I am nothing without them.
The only way I know how to best contribute to my future family, and follow the example of my parents, is to become a beautiful person.
Beautiful people have a sound sense of self. They are happy and content with themselves, despite misfortunate circumstances, insecurities and weaknesses. Love for other people guides their thoughts and actions. Beautiful people don't need to say it, others just know it. I am grateful to be surrounded by beautiful people.
I haven't been at this for awhile, but it is therapeutic to write and therapyis just what I need right about now...
Well that's a lie, I do write, a lot. In fact that is all my day is consumed of, writing. I am currently writing for The Daily Universe. It is enjoyable. I LOVE IT!!! I am meeting lots of new friends. I am improving my writing skills. Looking cool carrying around my camera (well it is actually my mom's, if anything happened to it she demanded my first born-yup its her baby:) and a voice recorder to conduct interviews. I'm enhancing my resume, gaining experience with a student-run newspaper and slowly learning the ins and outs of the often daunting AP style book.
Who would have thought I would write for a newspaper? I sure didn't.
Therapy.
The thing about therapy is that it can be spontaneous, selfish, time consuming, charitable, loud or quiet. It can be as long as a week getaway or as short as opening the scriptures for five minutes. Therapy does NOT need to comply with others' rules or any sort of AP style book. Therefore, I am leaving the AP behind and writing, just to write.
Not only writing, but writing my thoughts.
One thing I have struggled with as a journalist for the campus newspaper is not only the fact but the rule that I cannot have a voice! Complete objectivity is the goal. As a child I was taught to express my thoughts-->what I wanted, needed and believed! All of that is gone with a quick dash of an editor's red marker. I have had to eliminate my voice this semester, and ask my editors-IT DRIVES ME CRAZY (hence why I chose public relations-so I can be as opinionated as I so desire!-in fact I am paid to be opinionated-so there we have it!)
I am convinced there is nothing better than being paid to be an advocate for a company or cause that I am passionate about!!! When I am passionate about something, I don't hide it. I only want to share it! Like my undying desire to dance with Celine Dion's crew for one of her vegas shows or my obsession with wearing horizontal stripes and a mustard yellow cardigan.
However, the subject I am most passionate about, the thing that not only drives me to be a better person but motivates me to live is the gospel of Jesus Christ.I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I'm proud of it.
I think it is safe to identify something as not only a passion but a firm belief when it is the first thing we look to when something incredible has happened to us and the first source of comfort and strength when we have been rocked to our core. That is how I feel about my relationship with Jesus Christ.
Often, it is during trials when we are reminded of our dependence upon the Lord. Trials are a painful yet efficient way to be reminded of our complete dependence upon Heavenly Father. My favorite scripture of the week is Alma 26:12:
"Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak;therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever."
It is through this humility that we are healed. I feel the way Ammon does in this chapter, gratitude and appreciation for the Lord.
One of my favorite conference talks at this time in my life is "Lessons from Liberty Jail" by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. It is beautiful and I am reminded many times each day of these beautiful words ringing from this talk. Here is a little taste of the power of Elder Holland's words:
"In one way or another, great or small, dramatic or incidental, every one of us is going to spend a little time in Liberty Jail—spiritually speaking. We will face things we do not want to face for reasons that may not be our fault. Indeed, we may face difficult circumstances for reasons that were absolutely right and proper, reasons that came because we were trying to keep the commandments of the Lord. We may face persecution, we may endure heartache and separation from loved ones, we may be hungry and cold and forlorn. Yes, before our lives are over we may all be given a little taste of what the prophets faced often in their lives......Whenever these moments of our extremity come, we must not succumb to the fear that God has abandoned us or that He does not hear our prayers. He does hear us. He does see us. He does love us. When we are in dire circumstances and want to cry, “Where art Thou?” it is imperative that we remember He is right there with us—where He has always been! We must continue to believe, continue to have faith, continue to pray and plead with heaven, even if we feel for a time our prayers are not heard and that God has somehow gone away. He is there. Our prayers are heard. And when we weep He and the angels of heaven weep with us."
In times of heartache or trial, which they come in our lives one way or another, the thing that brings me the most comfort is knowing we do not have to do it alone.
Happiness is a choice. My mother's counsel has led me to make personal goals of things I want to do to be happy.
A few of my goals:
1. Take 15 minutes a day for myself to meditate (Hakuna Matata style)
2. Paint again.
3. Learn how to cook
(because my most often made meals include salad or pasta)
4. Become a better writer (in the process...a lifelong process)
5. Study the Book of Mormon
6. Open my heart
(vulnerability, though it comes at a price, is worth it)
7. Meet a new friend everyday
8. Exercise daily (endorphins, they'll save you)
9. Find joy through the little things in life (i.e. reading a book, going for a walk, enjoying the sunshine, painting nails a wild, vibrant color).
10. Never settle
11.Be a better sister/daughter to the wonderful angels I call family.
12. Find myself.
Because music speaks to my soul. Kelly has been singing my ear off this week because I absolutely LOVE this song. Thank you to my darling sister who told me to listen to this song:
Although we are only 15 days into 2012, many monumental events have taken place that must be documented.
Meet Brother Lemon.
He has been a good family friend to us. For the first time Bro. Lemon drove his light blue cadillac to our house to stop by for a visit. Although this may not seem monumental to most, it is a big deal. He is a gem and very loved by the Jackson girls.
The Green Bug is no longer.
Let me tell you about this car. When Rach and I turned 16-my Grandma and Grandpa surprised us with this precious, little guy (although this car is sentimental, we never officially named it-no name seemed fit for such a car). I learned not only how to drive in this car but how to drive stick. This car has taken me all through high school and the first two years of college. It has been with me through the finest dates, most embarrassing moments, and of course the summer days. No matter the stench of track bags after meets, potent lotion in preparation for cute boys:), or sunscreen for afternoons at the pool, this car ALWAYS smells of crayons. Anyone who really knows a Jackson girl, knows this car. It is very sentimental to me and it was definitely a sad day to say goodbye to him. The days of singing with the top down and the radio blaring will never be forgotten.
On a lighter note, I just began my first semester in BYU's Public Relations Program. To begin my PR endeavors I am writing for the Daily Universe, BYU's newspaper. I specifically write for the sports desk, track and field beat. I am PUMPED!!! Although it has been quite a task, I am enjoying the new friends I am meeting and the writing experiences I am obtaining.
Keep your eyes open Provo peeps...the paper is going to be bomb this semester.
I got a job!!! As many know, getting a job in P-town is like not regretting an early morning 8 o'clock class, possible but difficult.
I work for this man, Professor Muhlestein. He was my professor in Israel and I am so grateful to be able to have this opportunity to work with him again this semester. Right now I am currently digitalizing film slides of archeological sites for a book he is composing. He has changed my life.
My Grandma turned 70!!! For my grandma's birthday, my wonderful grandpa Bill organized a surprise party for her of all her friends, family, and coworkers. It was quite a turnout and a wonderful night!
Her first reaction to the large room of loved ones yelling "SURPRISE":
A little bit about my Grandma. She is one of the most beautiful women I know, inside and out. She is very involved in my life. She supports me in all of my sporting events, academic achievements, and church-callings. She is the woman who taught me my dark eyebrows should be two not one. The woman who died my hair brown for the very first time. The one to sew and create all my dance dresses. The woman who has taken me to places I would never otherwise have seen (i.e. New York City, Mexico, The Caribbean, California, San Francisco and most importantly Israel). Without her, I would never have had the opportunity to see the world in the light that I have. She is the most selfless, ambitious woman I have ever met. I am spoiled to have her as my grandmother.
Other roles and qualities:
She is a world-traveler, entrepreneur-boss of her own company, PhD holder, sky-diver, author of many books, and much MUCH more.
