Something inside of me hurts with sadness at the evil nature
of comparison. Maybe it’s because, as a twin, I am hardwired to always be in a
state of comparison. Maybe it’s because I am a female. Maybe it’s because I see
the damage and the hurt that comes to the compared victims. Or maybe, just
maybe, I can feel the hardness in my soul when I feel I am comparing myself with
others and falling short.
As I am in a state that is less than envious: a graduate with no job--not
one cent to my name--living with my parents who are living with their parents, I
am finding myself becoming the perpetrator of comparison. I cannot help but
feel a deep sadness when I begin this downward cycle of thinking lesser of my
state in life.
So, I have been consciously working on looking at my state
as an opportunity for blessings and good things to come, rather than a state
that I never hoped to be living.
Comparison can be as simple as a look of discouragment when
leaving the mirror to face the rest of the world or rehearsed thoughts
internalized deep within our souls:
“My life isn’t exciting enough to post online.”
“I bet XXX wouldn’t think, say, or do these things.”
“I’m unhappy because I’m not good enough.”
“I’m not XXX, and I never will be XXX.”
“I can’t handle my
own issues, how am I capable to help others?”
Something I learned a long time ago about comparison: Never has putting another down ever made me happy. Never.
One small instance:
When I was seven years old...
I met this girl named Libby. Libby was so fun and cute and
had the most darling freckles. I thought, if only I could have freckles, I
would be fun and cute. I prayed for freckles. With little success, I got so desperate that I finally
went into my mother’s makeup bag and grabbed her eyeliner and drew little dots
all over my face.
Of course, I was disappointed with the final outcome; but I
learned something from this silly, childish experience. I don’t need freckles
to be beautiful. I love my face. And
rather than stating that people without freckles are beautiful, I believe I am
beautiful and I make sure to compliment those who do have freckles—because more
often than not, they dislike their freckles. Oh that darn curse of the “grass
is greener syndrome.”
>>>So rather than dwelling on my lack of freckles or any other arbitrary worry, I always feel better when I recite positive affirmations in
replace of the negative, belittling thoughts that are so natural and quick to
attack:
I love my body. I love my
thin, blonde hair. I love my small, flat chest.
We are human. Whether we
vocalize our insecurities or not, we all have them. Let’s love ourselves and
others enough to build each other up and take away the criticism.
Natasha says it best.
To wrap up, my mother gives the mother analogy in regard to this idea of self-worth. When we are
little and fall down or get hurt, we have a mother, a father, or a teacher to
pick us up and brush us off. We have a parent figure to help us when we are
bullied at school, when we don’t do well on a test, or when we don’t make
office. We have someone to tell us we are great and wonderful. However, when we
age, we often lose that strong, positive voice. We grow up. We move
out. We start our own careers, families, hobbies, etc.
I have yet to
meet an adult not susceptible to pain, insecurity, and weakness. So instead of
losing that positive voice, we need to become
that voice. We need to build ourselves up; because as we are in this debate
over beauty and success, there are many voices tearing us down. We need that motherly
instinct inside ourselves to say, “Shh, I’m alright. I’m beautiful. I am loved.
I have a family that cares for me. I have the drive to do well in life.” Or
whatever it may be that we are struggling with.
Let’s not lose site of our inner child.
Oprah's words of wisdom:
Reverend Jackson's words have helped me over many a hurdle, even when less than my best was evident. To this day, excellence is my intention. To be excellent in giving. In graciousness. In effort. In struggle and in strife. For me being excellent means always doing my personal best. In Don Miguel Ruiz's book "The Four Agreements," the final agreement is just that: Always do your best. I know for sure that this is the most fulfilling path to personal freedom. Your best varies from day to day, Ruiz says, depending on how you're feeling. No matter. Give your best in every circumstance so that you have no reason to judge yourself and create guilt and shame. Live so that at the end of each day, you can say, "I did my very best." That's what it means to excel at the great game of life.
Note to self: Next time I attempt to measure my successes with another's, take a step back, acknowledge my blessings and gifts and make sure to radiate positivity. Everyone needs an encouraging word once in awhile, whether we realize it or not. I choose to live with grace and dignity.
