I'M ALIVE

I'm here.

New York. I haven't even been here for more than TWO days and it's already been a trip.

I don't have many pictures to show you quite yet of the journey, I'm afraid; (I spent more time trying to maneuver my way around this city and internalize the fact that I am now a resident here, weird) however, it has been nothing short of an adventure.

I have already eaten at Chipotle (check, thank you Anna), purchased a metro pass, unpacked all my belongings, wandered through Central Park for several hours, discovered a new park (oh, how I love parks), eaten a burger at the notorious Shake Shack (thank you Spencer),  shopped at several different grocery stores (for food and hangers), hung out with darling kids for a good part of the day, attended an orientation, found my way to LDS Public Affairs, met a friend from Serbia, given directions to a stranger (me? I know right.), talked with that stranger for 30 minutes about finance and PR--got offered a position at this stranger's work in San Fran:), made some friends with wonderful students in my program, walked all over the city so much my little feet have blisters -- OUCH! I'm pleased to announce that all of these adventures have been worth the frustration, confusion and anticipation of being a new kid in town.

The subway is by far the most foreign concept to me. After a long day of many subway rides, I am definitely becoming more comfortable with the way transportation works here in NYC. Today, I rode several subways all by myself, having to change trains periodically to get to my location -- this may seem like a little task, but to me, it is far from that! I'm proud of myself that I made it home, safely, in one piece tonight.

It has been quite the first day.

Thank you to my friends and family members who have messaged me. I appreciate the love. Sorry this is so short and pictureless.

Coming soon: pictures of my new home and my first day of work:)

over and out.

cheers to the beauties of the world: Dove style

i love when you find things like this that make you cry, wonder, think, and re-evaluate yourself.

in an attempt to be productive, i stumbled across this Dove video and realized three things:

1. i love my major--public relations can change the world (Dove simply does it best!)
2. women are beautiful; confidence makes all the difference in the world
3. maybe i do want to do social work after all...

maybe it is because i am my mother's daughter or something, but this type of emotional appeal really identifies with me. i seriously cried thinking, yes, yes, yes! how could something be so perfect and so DEAD on!

everything about the video, the lighting, the approach, the voice-overs, everything is perfect.

after analyzing the video, i started thinking about the personal message. how would people around me describe themselves? what would they say? then, i was thinking to myself, how would i describe myself? 

instantly i thought--eyebrows. i have been blessed (sometimes cursed, depending if i pluck) with beautiful dark, brown eyebrows from my grandpa wally, or so i'm told. if you look at both my mom and grandma, you will find them with the same dark eyebrows. i used to feel very self-conscious about them. i didn't know how to shape or even pluck them for that matter. however, as i have aged, i have slowly become more fond of them. they are definitely the most prominent feature on my face, one that i am becoming more fond of...

then cheek bones and next acne. isn't it interesting, even after analyzing this message of inner and outer beauty, when i thought about describing myself, i immediately thought of things i have been self-conscious with over the years. 

why?

it is the same phenomenon as pain. Brene Brown, Ph.D LMSW (social work) specializes her research in emotions such as vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame. I love her Ted talk; i listen to it often.  She mentions that when she asks people about love, they describe heartbreak, or a time they have been hurt. When she asks people about belonging, they will express the most awful instances of when they were excluded. 

often when we think of beauty, we think of things that we can improve to better comply with our esteemed definition. our beauty is definitely something we need to remind ourselves of, especially as we age. why is it so easy to see beauty in others and not in ourselves? it is probably because we are taught, time and time again, to love others. see the good in them. serve them. compliment them. 

how often is that message reiterated for us personally? 

i love the analogy my mom taught me. when we are young we are cared for by loving parents (in some unfortunate cases, we are not). when we fall down, our mother brushes our knees off and gets us running again. when we come home from a hard day at school, we come home to our number one cheerleader, capable of taking away our distress. as we age, we lose that instant self-esteem booster. as a way to cope, we turn to other things--facebook, peers, validation in any way. unfortunately, we harness any type of validation, positive or negative, whether we like it or not. we forget that the mother or parent figure we had when we were young, we need to be. we need to find that inner voice inside ourselves to champion and lift us up. there are simply TOO many hard things in life to weigh us down. too many critics telling us no. too many "glass ceilings" limiting our potential. too many people wishing us to fail.

when we fall, when we doubt our abilities, talents, beauty, we need to be the ones to suppress those negative thoughts. we need to be the ones to brush off our knees, get back up and say i'm ok. 

just as Dove said: you are more beautiful than you think you are.

cheers to the beautiful people--both to those who know they are and those that almost do:)

the new project

so....nick woke up with the idea that he had to buy a beater truck for project flyboard. for those of you who know nick, know, that once he get's something in his little mind, nothing will stop him.

so saturday morning we ventured to payson to check out a truck nick saw on ksl.

this is the truck we found:

we took it out for a little spin; nick found love (well not exactly, but it will be sufficient enough to drive him to and from the lake to board:)

sold.

nick is now the proud owner of ____ (the name of this lil guy is yet to be determined)

our saturday:

immediately we drove from payson to the nearest home depot to get screws, paint and sandpaper to doll up (Jeffy-that's my vote for the truck name).

similar to the way sandra bullock was "remade" in miss congeniality, this lil guy had a long way to go...

luckily we did it with happy faces!!!

 we, then, took our trucks for a spin to the car wash.

{getting wet was necessary to deep clean nick's truck--he ended up spraying the entire inside of his car} 

after drying the lil guy, we prepared to paint. we used more than a full roll of duct tape to cover the nooks and crannies of his car that he didn't want painted.

then the fun part -- paint. we spray painted his entire car black, flat black. i felt like we were vandalizing private property; i have never spray painted a car before. it was so fun! 

of course, it took many layers. we would spray one layer, then go out for a drive.

it wasn't until we were driving around that i realized how ridiculous we looked. the truck looked TERRIBLE -- definitely trash. we stopped during the first and second coat to get a burger. there were two boys in the diner. one boy leaned over to his mom and said, "mom, look at that truck." it was then that the (not so discrete) stares and whispers from this family at nick's hideous, soon-to-be beautiful truck made nick and i realize how ridiculous we were. oh well. 

we didn't get very far before it started to rain. the truck is still 2-3 coats away from being finished. but here is the progress of all our hard work.

before:

after:

{the lighting isn't great in this parking garage. this is where we came to avoid the rain}

the clan

my family is perfect. literally. as i was going through some of my old pictures, i couldn't help but smile.  

PARENTS. my parents are hysterical. they taught me hard work and inner beauty. i aspire to be like them in every way. i look at my angel sisters and know that much of who they are is a result of my parents. my mom is strong, nurturing and capable of just about anything. i have never had a problem that i didn't think, "my mom knows the answer." as for my dad, he is one of the most passionate people i know. he has a goal in his mind, and he won't stop until it is done. i have never felt neglected or mistreated or unloved--which sadly, is not something many can say. Rachel and Carson make the most beautiful couple, inside and out. it has been quite a journey for the two of them, but one definitely worth the wait. they make life hysterical--between Carson's impressions and crazy facials and Rachel's spunky sense of humor--you are bound to be laughing. i always feel more like myself when i am around the two of them. third wheeling is a privilege. Hannah, talk about an angel. there is not one mean bone in that girl's body. she is currently in Israel soaking up all the life-changing rays. she is a hard worker and cares about just everyone (in the world). she also happens to be one of the most trendy girls i know. babe just won't suffice. Eliza is the baby of the family, though baby she is not. she is a tall, blonde beauty that has heads turning everywhere we go. she goes to Davis High School and is an all-around athlete. she is a sun goddess--we joke that my mom picked up the wrong baby at the hospital by the way that body of hers can handle so much sun. i love her so much, and i am grateful to be able to look up (literally and figuratively)to her. 

although i do not have a family of my own quite yet, when i think of my family i think of this song.

as i am preparing to leave for New York, graduate from college, and get a full-time job, i feel my heart will always be drawn to my home and my childhood years. i will always look back full of gratitude and love for those years spent dancing in front of my mom's mirror, playing in my neighbors' unfinished houses, and laughing until our stomach's hurt (or until someone was sent to their room--Rach:)

Here it is folks, my family in all their glory:

ducks and sunshine

today is a good day.

i woke up to clean sheets and the sun peaking through the window. no nightmares. i did my daily routine of reading a conference talk, fixing a quick breakfast and heading out the door.

this song has put me in such a good mood. there is something about country music and the sunshine.

as i walked up the GINORMOUS hill, i saw these little ducks snuggling up next to each other, basking in the sunlight. part of me wanted to join them to avoid my time-pressing capstone campaign this morning.

no matter. i turned the corner and saw my second home (the building i have lived in the past two years). i will only be trekking this journey to the Brimhall a few more weeks before i am on the homestretch to graduation.

my how time has flown.

 i do love school. i have definitely had my fair share of struggles living in Provo, but the good definitely outweighs the bad.

i still wonder what life will be like when that safety blanket of being a student is ripped off and we are thrown into the "real world"... i'm excited to find out.

finding clarity in the midst of finals

With finals on the horizon, including many group projects and client presentations, stress is in the air.

As a way to cope, I tried to shake things up a bit by studying conference talks in the morning and attending to the Temple in the afternoon.

The baptistry was fairly empty tonight, which is quite a rare occasion for anyone familiar with the Provo Temple. I sat down on the last bench next to a teenage girl, who appeared to be reclusive to those around her. I did not mind this because my heart was set on bigger matters. I had felt heavy all day trying to sort through reoccurring nightmares, academic coursework, NY preparation, etc. I came to the Temple hoping to ease my heart.

As a way to cope, I brought with me A Prophet's Voice, Messages From Thomas S. Monson--a compilation of all of President Monson's talks as prophet--in preparation for this weekend.  I highly recommend this book. It has so many wonderful messages.

As we progressed to the confirmation room, I noticed the girl behind me was making interesting hand gestures. I thought maybe she was overly expressive or trying to be reverent. However, as the night progressed it became obvious--she was deaf. She was signing with a man who appeared to be her father. It was one of the most amazing things I have seen. What may appear to be a simple process for me, was much more difficult for her. Yet, her "caretaker" selflessly loved her and helped her understand everything that was going on around her by signing every step of the way.

After watching them for an hour, I felt humbled. After having read a talk, in which President Monson encouraged all the women to study, pray and serve more fervently, I figured out my problem-- I am thinking too much about myself. As I watched this man and teenage girl interact, I felt honored to be in their presence.

Sometimes in the midst of finals, or time-pressing situations, we forget what truly matters. We forget how to serve. We forget how to properly prioritize. We forget to stop, take a moment, and breathe. We are capable of far more than we think we are.

As President Monson said, "My dear sisters (and brethren), do not pray for tasks equal to your abilities, but pray for abilities equal to your tasks. Then the performance of your task will be no miracle, but you will be the miracle."

I wish so badly that I knew sign language in that moment. I would have told her,"Thank you for being an example to us all, for not allowing a physical disability get in the way of what truly matters."


 Note to self: next time I am feeling heavy, love myself enough to forget myself once in awhile.